When Captain Cowell realized that the HMS American Idol had hit an iceberg, he decided that going down with the ship was a chump move. Quickly summoning an X Factor helicopter to pick up him and him alone, he abandoned the rest of the crew to their icy, pitchy water-graves and shouted, "I said, 'Good day!'" before texting Paula Abdul for a late dinner.

Now it's Ellen's turn. She just left. No one knows why. They say it was all her decision. But there've already been rumors floating around that executive producer/big boss Simon Fuller was coming back to the show and was ready to clear the decks anyway.

Adam Lambert is reported to be in the studio recording a new version of "My Heart Will Go On," rearranged as a duet with Taylor Hicks. All proceeds from the single will go to the Randy Jackson/Kara Dioguardi Memorial Fund. Because they drowned.